I realised I had ADHD at the age of 22, when I started researching the condition prior to my medical assessment. Accepting that I am neurodiverse has been a long and convoluted journey, but ultimately, it has helped me discover and come to terms with many aspects of my life, personality and brain function that I previously tried to change.
When you think about ADHD, what do you picture? Is it a fidgety child who can’t do well in school? Is it an endlessly unticked to-do list? If I was the poster girl for ADHD, this is how it would look: a perfectionist who excels in education and at work but struggles to navigate other areas of life, a person with countless hobbies who seems to be good at everything but secretly beats herself up over the smallest mistakes and who always hears ‘be more careful’, ‘pay more attention’, ‘slow down’.
I found out about my ADHD in my 20s because, growing up, no one could tell there was something inherently not neurotypical about me. I was forgetful, bumped into things often, got upset easily and never knew how to manage my time, but that was seen as the behaviour of an average child. Never mind that time I passed out from loud music, or that I learned sign language and hieroglyphics at nine years old because I was bored. Never mind struggling to make friends because my socialising was a little off and so what if I cried at the smallest criticism? I was just a sensitive kid. A smart, sensitive, shy kid who wasn’t great at fitting in.
All the above traits are among the key symptoms for ADHD assessment, but because I didn’t exactly tick the ‘inattentive’ and ‘hyperactive’ boxes, it never occurred to anyone that I might be living with the condition. For me, these symptoms manifest through bursts of creative energy, productivity or overwhelm, which are less likely to be identified as inattention and hyperactivity. Research has shown this is especially common in women with ADHD, while most of the data currently available is based on ADHD in boys which manifests differently.
When you don’t experience ADHD or any other neurological condition yourself or don’t happen to know anyone who does, it might be difficult to picture how it affects us. Many people stigmatise ADHD or feel bad for those of us who live with it. The truth is that ADHD isn’t all we believe it is. It’s not just hyperactivity, inattention, sensory issues and extreme procrastination.
Without my ADHD, I wouldn’t have learned all the crafts and skills I can now do easily, after seeking the dopamine of pursuing them at one point in my life. Without my ADHD, I wouldn’t multitask so well when I’m in a time crunch. And, especially, without my ADHD, I wouldn’t be half as creative. I’m lucky that my job at Leeds Trinity allows me to nurture and showcase all these traits. In my role in the Corporate Communications team, I’m encouraged to embrace them and apply them to my work.
Of course, living with ADHD is extremely difficult. I constantly have to overcompensate for the expectations I wouldn’t naturally meet because of the way my brain functions. But by being open about my needs and educating myself and those around me, I have been on a quest to change people’s perspectives and the general pessimism around ADHD. Thankfully, I have experienced nothing but kindness and positive curiosity from my colleagues, which empowers me to be more candid when I struggle at work.
Much of who I am is my ADHD. I wouldn’t change it.
Eliza Lita is Senior Corporate Communications Officer at Leeds Trinity University.